by Gwendolyn J. Bean
...As Solene watched, the smell of diesel and earth confused her senses and sent her spiralling out of the moment. Her mind began to wander, remembering the trip and all of her worries about Zee being here, and she could feel her body grow tense. She didn’t want to think about it, but the harder she tried to stop thinking, the more her mind took over. She just needed to get back inside her body. Deep inside. Into her stomach and her spleen. To feel the spongy blood-filled walls of her organs.
She ached. Solene grabbed Enn’s hand and guided him to her opening. His finger pushed softly at her hole and she pressed up to meet his hand. She could feel the space inside her, empty and pulsing, finally pushing away all thoughts of the trip. Enn slowly pushed two fingers into her, and she felt the friction as the walls of her pussy opened around him. He curled his fingers and she cried out, heat spreading from her center. She rocked against his hand, his fingers curling, making her groan.
Enn reached over to his pile of clothes and pulled out a condom, looking at her with a question. She nodded. He knelt over her, one hand stroking himself, the other hand pressed against her pelvis. She reached up and wrapped her hand around his, as he continued to stroke his cock. Her hand slid with his, up and down the length of his shaft.
He paused to unroll the condom over his cock. She spread her knees further apart and Enn leaned over, gently pressing his erection against her, slowing pushing inside. She groaned, and pushed her hips up hard against him, driving away everything but the feeling of him sliding into her pussy. She found his mouth and kissed him, urgently, staying pressed against his lips as he thrust into her.
She could hear Zee’s breathing getting heavier beside her, but she didn’t have time to look, and she didn’t want to start thinking again. “Harder,” she begged. He pushed into her, hard, faster now, and she rocked against every thrust with more and more intensity. Again and again, waves of pleasure, her legs shaking, every part of her on fire, bringing her closer.
“I’m gonna… I’m gonna…” she panted, twisting her body against his, trying to get the words out. He slammed into her harder. Her body tensed. “Fuck, fuck…” She exploded, her body scorched and searing. He thrust a few more times and then she felt his body tense against her, and then shudder in release. He collapsed onto the ground beside her.
Only then did she look over at Zee and Bea, who were lying together, still breathing heavy, and watching her and Enn. The other couple that she had noticed earlier were also lying together, staring up at the stars. She curled into Enn, still holding hands with Zee, and not wanting to start thinking again.
The next morning Solene woke, looking around her at the inside of a camper van, and feeling a sudden well of panic. Her mind pushed hard to remember the night before. But remembering how relaxed she had been then just made the pit in her stomach grow. Last night had left her dry and thirsty, and even more anxious. How could she let herself get so distracted? She felt so angry and guilty all at the same time. So stupid. She barely remembered moving from the grass to the van, and now her head felt thick and muddy. She felt off, disconnected.
She needed to get out of here. She nudged Zee.
“We gotta go,” she whispered.
“What?” Zee muttered, still sleeping.
“We gotta go,” she repeated. “We aren’t supposed to be here.”
“Ok, gimme a minute…” Zee replied, purposely ignoring the urgency as she first opened one eye, and then slowly tried the next. Her head hurt and the light wasn’t helping.
Solene was already stuffing everything back into their packs. By the time Zee was awake and standing, Solene handed a pack to her and turned to walk out of the van.
“Wait.” Zee grabbed an old envelope from the table, looked around for a pen and wrote an awkward thank you to Enn and Bea and the others. She put on her pack and rushed to follow after Solene.
They stood in the empty camp. Everyone seemed to still be sleeping. Solene and Zee ducked between the vans and walked as quickly and quietly as they could. Or, at lease Solene did. Zee followed clumsily, feeling half asleep, foggy, and slightly nauseated. They walked in silence until lunch.
Zee knew Solene was stressed again. Last night had only put off what they really needed to focus on, making it all feel worse. Zee also knew there was nothing she could say. They had needed the break. And it was just one night… But she didn’t say any of that to Solene. Instead, she struggled to keep up.
Solene was going faster than they had the whole trip. If they kept this pace, they would be out of energy before lunch. The real stress, Zee knew, was the fear that it might all be wasted, the whole trip, because Zee was here, because she wasn’t like Solene no matter how hard she tried. Zee didn’t know how to explain it to Solene and she didn’t dare say it now, but she knew it was going to be ok. She was supposed to be here, Solene didn’t need to worry. But Zee couldn’t find the right words, and so she kept it to herself and just marched in silence.
When they stopped for the night, they talked about everything except the growing worry. They talked about the forest, the mountain air that was so much thinner than at home, and the meal they had, their aches and pains from hiking all day. They didn’t talk about the night of distraction or why Solene had needed to be distracted in the first place. And Zee didn’t try to tell her it was going to be ok.
Instead, Zee tried so hard to be chatty. But it wasn’t working. She had never been chatty, and it came out all wrong.
By the next night, Solene was short-tempered, angry at all the little things – a spilled cup, the mosquito bite on her wrist, the small rip in the arm of her shirt. After almost a week of travelling, they were both tired, scared, and just barely holding it together.
[to be continued...]
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